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My father died recently. My mother is lonely.
| Nick: My father died recently. My mother is lonely. | January 9, 2009, 11:03 am |
| My father died recently, which is very sad. We spent a lot of time with my mother who is in her late 70s in the weeks that followed. We now need to get on with our own lives but she doesn't seem to understand this. She says that, as our children are grown up, why can't we spend more time with her? I know she's lonely but what should we do? | |
| re: My father died recently. My mother is lonely. by Experience Matters | January 9, 2009, 11:40 am | |
| The dilemma you pose is not uncommon. I'm sorry for your loss and I know it can be hard. Without wanting to sound uncaring, many of us will face our parents' death when we're in our 50s and 60s and we will often be left with one parent who feels lost and lonely. For some it will be 40. 50 or 60 years since they lived alone if ever. For those of you who have not faced this yet, it's worth considering now how much time you can or want to give to an elderly relative who suddenly finds themselves on his or her own. Our member has sadly found herself in an unsatisfactory position and now has to backtrack -something very easily done and equally hard to undo. What's important here is: • To work out both how much time you have to spend with her. • Agree a limit and stick to it. • Next, look at what she needs. You say she's lonely. There are lots of agencies both private and voluntary that offer a befriending service where someone comes to visit and goes out with the elderly person and each has a good time. • Are other family members pulling their weight? Don't forget to involve your siblings and cousins. Sometimes others need a bit of a push but are willing to help when asked. • Talk to your local Help the Aged: they're a fantastic resource and will know what activities are on offer for older people. • Tell her you love her dearly and want to spend time with her and also home time on your own. • Suggest and plan some outings to do together so you all have fun when you meet up. It's important that your mother's needs are met but they really don't all have to be met by you. I know it may be hard while you settle into a new routine but it's worth sticking to it. Otherwise, you'll wonder what happened to your life! |
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