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Is it me? one of my stepdaughters is very much a daddy's girl
| Anon: Is it me? one of my stepdaughters is very much a daddy's girl | October 6, 2009, 11:10 am |
| Is it me? I have two-step daughters both of who are married with children of their own. I too have two 'grown up' children and therefore understand and respect the differing emotions between parent and child and husband and wife. However, one of my stepdaughters is very much a daddy's girl but I sometimes find the attention she demands and receives from my husband a little unsettling. She's 36 years old but still requires lots of cuddles from her dad and makes sure that he sits next to her on the sofa so that she can lie down with her legs draped across his and he then strokes her. Her husband justs sits elsewhere in the room as do I, but I just feel uncomfortable. I didn't have this sort of a relationship with my own father - although I loved him dearly - so is this just me being jealous or do you think it's all a little OTT and is targeted at me....my other stepdaughter is completely the opposite and I sometimes wonder how she must feel. I wasn't the 'other woman' that caused the break up of my husbands marriage and I've always gone out of my way to make them feel comfortable around me. She knows she's got the upperhand where her dad's concerned and it's starting to make me feel bitter and not want to be around when she is. Can you help? | |
| re: Is it me? one of my stepdaughters is very much a daddy's girl by Experience Matters | October 6, 2009, 11:52 am | |
| I understand this is an uncomfortable situation but I wonder why you think it is aimed at you? What exactly are you concerned about? Are you saying that you are worried that there is something more sinister about this? My hunch is that this is not happening because they are both wanting to hurt you or exclude you. I expect this is a pattern in their relationship that they have had for a while. Maybe she needed a lot of reassurance in her childhood. If you are going to tackle this it is important for you to look at it as a behaviour that you think is not appropriate rather than a slight on you. If you take it personally, your husband will defence when you talk to him and it will probably end up with a row. If things are going to change you will have to discuss this with your husband and explain how you feel and how you think this behaviour may not be a very good role model for your grandchildren. I wondered if the grandchildren were around when this was happening or is it only when the adults are there? Is this part of your concern? Explain that of course it is lovely he is so close to his children and that he can show his affection but you wonder if this is difficult for her husband and might cause some difficulty for them. The other issue you raise is that you feel a bit jealous of this relationship and I wonder if you are not getting the affection you want from your husband. Again I think you need to talk to him and discuss how you can be more affectionate to each other both in private and in public with the family. One thing you can do is be a bit more physical with him when your step daughters are there, so you get the cuddles too. If things don't resolve when you talk to him, I suggest you find someone to talk to so you have an opportunity to discuss the issues in more depth and work out a way to tackle this. |
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