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I've separated recently and my friend's husbands are making advances towards me
| Dorothy: I've separated recently and my friend's husbands are making advances towards me | March 5, 2010, 3:30 pm |
| I separated from my husband last year. It has been hard and my friends have rallied around me. A couple of their husbands have made amorous advances towards me even though I've made it clear that I'm not interested. I feel insulted and furious and anxious. Why do men think single women are fair game? I don’t want them round, but I don’t want to fall out with their wives who are my friends. What can I do? | |
| re: I've separated recently and my friend's husbands are making advances towards me by Keren | March 5, 2010, 3:42 pm | |
| I don’t think I have a definitive answer as to why these men now regard you as ‘available’, and I fully understand that it’s making you cross. Many men, particularly those who are a bit older, have never learnt how to have a platonic friendship with a woman. They have intimate relationships with their wives and family relationships with their siblings and professional relationships with colleagues. I think some ‘come on’ to women when often they just mean they would like to be your friend, not just as part of a couple. Of course, that isn’t the case for all men but either way it’s just not on and will have spoilt any existing friendship. The only way to deal with this is to talk to the men involved: • Tell them that you felt insulted and cross • Explain why: being alone doesn’t mean one just wants sex • Ask them to consider what this would do to both your friendship with their wives and their marriage • Make it clear that you never expect them to say anything like that again, otherwise you’ll have to discuss this with their wives • Point out that they’ve now made it difficult to have a platonic friendship with them and that’s a pity Without specifically pointing the finger, you can discuss this with your women friends who I’m sure will be as horrified as you. Hopefully, they’ll then raise this with their husbands who will become aware that doing anything further would only cause trouble. |
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