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I don't want to move but my husband does
| mary: I don't want to move but my husband does | April 9, 2010, 2:21 pm |
| We bought a holiday home a few years ago; our plan was to live there for six months of the year (during the winter) when we retire. We have done this for one year but now, my husband says he wants to live there permanently. I really don't want to as I love living here in my home, and would miss our two sons, who are both now married, and I'd miss my friends and family. Also, we’re due to be grandparents for the first time later this year. He says he’s going to move come what may – with or without me. We’ve been married for 32 years and I’m devastated. I’ve tried to explain how I feel but he seems to think he can bully me into changing my mind. I’m getting really depressed and tearful about the whole situation and would like your advice. |
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| re: I don't want to move but my husband does by keren | April 9, 2010, 2:53 pm | |
| It sounds to me as though you and your husband have got a bit out of sync. I suspect that neither of you is really listening to the other. You both believe your way is right. For a moment, let’s focus on you: • What do you want out of your life? • What are the things that make you happy? • What are your goals? • What do you want from a marriage? • What can you compromise on and what can’t you? Once you’ve answered these questions, you’ll have a clearer idea of your needs. Ask your husband to do the same. Now sit down together and give him 10 minutes to tell you about his needs without interruption. You do the same and only then try to negotiate. See if you can come up with creative solutions: you don’t have to be in the same place all the time. Often, in situations such as this, it’s useful to get some professional help. Contact Relate www.relate.org.uk or call 0300 100 1234 and arrange a few sessions. Another person’s perspective can help you to think of new and different solutions to what appears to be an insurmountable problem. |
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