JULY
newsletter!
Should parents expect their children
to physically care for them in their
old age?
Life has continued to be busy for us. I had an interesting experience talking on 4thought.tv on Chanel 4. (You can watch the clip of this programme on our website). The question they asked me, and what I talked about, was whether parents should expect their children to physically care for them and manage all the practicalities in their old age.
I know many disagree with me but I don't think there should be an expectation. If the children want to, great, but not if it's demanded. I don't believe our children owe it to us for bringing them up. We choose to have them not the other way round. Judging from some of the letters I've received on this topic I know this is a different view.
I was involved in my mothers' care when she had Alzheimer's. She was ill for over 10 years and she was in a very bad state when she died. I struggled as did she, in the mid stages when she was still aware, with me doing some of her personal care. She felt undignified and very sad and much preferred it when an unknown professional performed the same tasks.
What she wanted from me was attention, chats, holding her hand, reading to her, not doing the practical tasks.
I know that if I'm ever in that position I'll feel much the same. I love being with my children but I don't want them to have to care for me in a physical and practical manner. I'm sure there will be a point when I will need more of their advice and that's fine and I'll be delighted to take it. Already I share thoughts and concerns with them as they do me. We all have different knowledge bases so we can keep helping each other.
We have a workshop event on Saturday 12th November 'Supporting you and your elderly parents'. Do book now and come.
I also spoke last month at the BACP (British Association of Coaching Professionals) conference on Coaching the Baby Boomers. We had a very interesting discussion about the topics that people bring, of course high on the agenda was elderly parents.
I'm really interested in hearing your news on this topic. What thoughts have you given to your older age? How involved do you want your children to be?
We've set up a forum topic on this please let us know your views.
Things begin to slow down a bit now as we move into the summer period - the weather hasn't realised it should be behaving better!
If you are going on holiday or having a break, look at our updated news on our Style Page from Sue Donnelly on Swimwear.
Our next Feel Good and Look Fab day is on September 4th, so book in now!
Have a good summer and I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Keren
www.experiencematters.org.uk
