Susan Macintosh 24th October 2016
Do you live a life where you compare yourself to others? (An article written by John Hain)
‘I think it fair to say, that comparison with others creates tensions and jealousies and means that we are living our lives vicariously through other’s standards, values and belief systems. How’s that working for you? Probably not well?
The alternative is to shine brightly, as yourself. The road to success in living well, weight loss, health, business, relationships, is transparency and honesty with yourself. And it’s ok to be less than perfect … as long as you are continuing to learn and grow.
The little signs that you are comparing yourself with others may be that you have troubles that include anxieties, you’re uncomfortable with being around others, you feel less than good enough, you secretly (or openly) wish that the other person will fail, you automatically think that others are thinking the worst about you, you’re frightened of being seen as the real you in fitness classes or learning environments, or you are afraid to talk about desires / wishes / money issues, you’re afraid to state your opinion or to speak up and failing at anything, feels like a crushing disappointment or gives you pain…. The list goes on. (Does any of this resonate with you?)
Living a life where you compare yourself to others means that you aren’t living a life based on your own values, strengths and desires. And isn’t this life about you? Your life is about your joys, your pleasures, your feelings, your needs and your wants, (without hurting or stepping on others).
Of course I still feel pangs of jealousy from time to time… that’s normal. (Especially when I feel or it seems that circumstances are against me). I am human. However, what I have learnt, is that it’s ok to feel this way… as it’s a window to an “unmet personal need” that I need to address within myself.
So what do I do when I am confronted with a situation that creates jealousy or feelings of inadequacy?
I have found that by acknowledging to myself that I am admiring of another / or a situation, it lets me explore what it is that I feel is really missing in my life. Then I can explore what blocks are within myself and how they are stopping me from achieving similar success for myself.
Another tactic that I have always found to be very helpful is that when I see someone who is successful, I make a study of the behaviours that have caused that success, and then change my behaviours to model that more successful outcome. Then I can figuratively “step into the shoes” of that other person, “seeing” the world through their eyes… and then I ask that person (in my head) as to what I should do in any particular situation. The answer is often crystal clear.
After all, if I don’t know the steps, nor do I have the tools nor strategies for success myself, who better to ask than the person who conjures up that idea of success within my head. And then by following through with committed actions to create that success, I am responsible for what I achieve, no one else.
And by the same token, you are responsible for you. And by taking that responsibility for yourself you more fully create a life based on your own core values and desires.
A life lived in comparison of others, isn’t fun, isn’t joyful and often lacks love and freedom.
If this blog has raised some issues for you, you may want to talk to one of our life coaches.
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